The Definition of Marriage

I don’t want to get married.

I don’t want a boyfriend.

If I’m really honest with you, I can live without sex.

As long my future holds a cup of tea (ok, glass of wine) and a decent program on the TV then I’ll be happy.

But I can get married. I’m really lucky living in the UK where a gay man can marry another gay man. I could even do something as ridiculous as marry a woman, if I wanted.

That was a right granted to me by this country’s government. Other people aren’t so lucky, and they’re not as far away as you might think.

Just across the river in the Republic of Ireland, the residents are gearing up for a historic event. The world’s first public vote to determine – in short – whether one group of people are equal to another group.

It might seem obvious or inevitable that same-sex marriage – that equality –

should be allowed in most countries that are claiming to be a civilised part of the modern world, but perhaps not surprisingly, there are some people who object to same-sex marriage.

What is surprising, though, is that some of them claim not to be homophobic.

I can’t see it. My own – perhaps limited – view of the world can see no reason to object to one man marrying another man or one woman marrying another woman apart from that gay sex is icky. Sex in general is a bit icky as far as I’m concerned, but that doesn’t mean I object to people getting married.

I can’t understand for one second why ANYONE would want to shackle themselves to another person for the rest of their life, but that doesn’t mean I would object to it.

So, if they’re not homophobic, why else would someone object? I googled “Marriage referendum, no arguments” – here’s what I found.

Won’t somebody think of the children?!

If I can’t understand why someone would want to get married, then I sure as hell can’t understand why they’d want kids, but, marriage – apparently – is the process by which one procreates. Therefore gay men and women don’t need marriage, as they can’t have children.

Well, that’s just silly. Even I know that sex is how you get kids. AND I know that many people get married and don’t have kids. Does that mean they’re any less married? No.

Those that do have children, does their marriage lapse once the children have moved out? No.

On the flip side, if a child doesn’t have two parents, because they’ve been adopted or orphaned… does that make them any less of a human being? No.

Marriage is not about children. So let’s stop talking about them.

That’s mean(ing)

The No side seem to be under the impression that allowing homosexual people to get married is akin to allowing footballers to suddenly pick the ball and run with it in their hands. It just wouldn’t be football any more.

My understanding is that it’s not about changing the game, it’s just about allowing more people to play.

Manchester United and Manchester City can play in the same City without it making Manchester City’s game any less significant (I’d be tempted to make a football joke here, but I’m foraying into a territory I know nothing about).


This is my favourite one. Marriages can be dissolved at the moment citing adultery as a cause. Adultery is defined as extra marital sex between a man and a woman – while two members of the same sex is just unreasonable behaviour.

Equal marriage would require the definition of adultery to be updated.

I’m not sure what the objection is here.

Are they worried about having to re-write all the dictionaries?

Are they worried that same sex marriage would ruin the sanctity of straight divorce? Hmm.

Jesus said…


Yeah well, Harry Potter told me I could unlock doors with my magic wand. He was wrong and JK Rowling lied.

Jog on.

Defining Marriage

Marriage is a contract between a man and a woman. That’s the definition.

Ok, that’s a fair point.

What actually changes if we change the definition to ‘marriage is a contract between two people’?

For homosexual people:

  • Recognition of their love
  • The same legal rights as straight couples
  • Offspring of a gay couple growing up in a family that is the same as everyone else’s
  • Equality

For heterosexual people:

The way I see it, the people of Ireland have three choices come May 22nd:

  • Don’t vote. Stand by and do nothing while other people are discriminated against.
  • Vote yes. Allow a free society where love is love and children are taught that everyone is equal.
  • Vote no. Because you’re a cock.

Don’t be a cock. Vote yes on May 22nd.


7 New Things I’ve Learned This Week

They – the inimitable collective “them” – say that you learn something new every day.

Is that true, I wonder? I think not, so I’m keeping track. If I haven’t learnt something new – I’m going to seek a new thing out.

Here are seven things I’ve learned in the last week

  1. “Lost his Deposit”

This phrase was bandied about during the election night coverage a bit, and while I had heard it before, I didn’t fully know the story behind it.

Every prospective candidate standing to be a Member of Parliament must pay a £500 deposit. The theory being that a financial stake being put down will reduce the number of fringe or joke candidates standing for election.

If the candidate receives more than 5% of the vote, they receive their deposit back. According to one twitter account, the Liberal Democrats lost a staggering £169,000 in the 2015 General Election.

  1. Dame Vera

70 years after VE Day the Force’s sweetheart Dame Vera Lynn – whose most famous song We’ll Meet Again is often played as a celebratory song to mark the end of the second world war – is still alive and kicking at the grand old age of 98.

That may seem old, but she’s only nine years and one month older than the woman in charge of our country (and no, I don’t mean Nicola Sturgeon).

  1. Maggie Simpson

When England and Wales are coloured blue and Scotland is yellow, Great Britain looks remarkably like Maggie Simpson

  1. Pippa in the Middle(ton)

Nearly all of us felt a bump this week as we shifted down one in the order of succession to the British throne. A new princess was born last Saturday and shortly after was revealed to bear the name Charlotte Elizabeth Diana.

While it may seem that she was named after three members of the future King’s family, she also shares the name Charlotte with her aunt, whose full name is Phillippa Charlotte Middleton.

The princess also shares the name Charlotte Diana with her second cousin once removed on her father’s side – curiously, Earl Spencer refrained from adding the name Elizabeth to his daughter’s title.

  1. Amazon’s spring

As an employee of WH Smith I know an awful lot about it’s history, but even I was surprised to discover that the first online order in the UK was taken and fulfilled by the company twenty years ago – in a room just across the road from my flat.

The book (I’m slightly pleased it was a book at the beginning of this revolution) was Vikram Seth’s A Suitable Boy – Amazon – the great river of modern online shopping – wouldn’t take it’s first order for another four months post that first delivery from Swindon.

  1. The Groucho Club

The Groucho Club in London turned thirty years old this week. The original premise of the famous private member’s club was to be an antidote to the stuffy gentlemen’s clubs that inhabited Soho at the time.

You don’t have to be a member to visit the club, but your name does have to be put on a list by a member in order for you to gain access. Alternatively, you could hire one of their six rooms available for private functions for an evening. The prices range from £400 up to £1800 for non-members.

  1. Counting the Cost

Those people you assume to be volunteers that you see when you go to vote aren’t actually volunteers at all. The folk that man polling stations and vote counts are actually paid £160 for their time.

Those who man the stations are expected to be at the polling station for the full fifteen hours.

While a “cruel and punishing” night for the Lib Dems, perhaps Nick Clegg can take solace in that his party’s poor performance meant that their lost deposits helped fund over 1,000 of these workers.