Can I tell you the story of my life in 250 words exactly?

Probably not, and especially not now that I’ve wasted 13 of those words on the blooming sentence.

And now thirty.

Thirty three.

ANYWAY, I was born and raised in Swindon.

I spent the first eleven years of my life living with my mum and dad and sister, until my mum and dad divorced (a story that would take 250 pages, let alone words).

My dad moved out – I remember being quite surprised at how quickly it happened – and then life changed, and I adapted and everything was ok. No big trauma sorry.

Life ticked along, I went to college and studied Psychology, Law, English Language and Philosophy. At the same time I got a job in the local WH Smith.

Worked my way up through there, and eventually got a job in the head office where I’ve been ever since in a job that’s the same as it always was but also completely different.

I’ve written a book, but you knew that.

I bought my own flat in 2009 and am only just finishing the decorating.

In 2011, I travelled around Australia and just after I came back, I met my best friend Aaron. He currently lives with me. We drink a lot and eat chicken nuggets.

I ran the marathon in 2012 and won’t ever do it again.

That’s the story of my life in a nutshell and I’ve still got two words left.

And: Gay.

#BEDM14: My name is Alex

My name is Alex.

Rarely Alexander.

Sometimes Bert.

I work.

I read.

I write.

I play.

I live with my best friend.

I’m half an inch taller than him.

He’s 5’6 (and a half)

I weigh somewhere between 8 and 9 stone.

I’ve never weighed more than 9 stone.

I’m white.

Like Casper-white.

I have brown hair.

It’s decreasing rapidly.

I have one sister.

Her name is Sam.

I have a Vauxhall Tigra.

His name is Terrence.

My mum is confused why my car is not a girl.

She thinks it’s a gay thing.

I just like the name Terrence.

Oh, I’m gay.

At least in theory.

I nearly had a boyfriend once.

I’d like to actually have one, one day.

I’ve actually got my eye on someone.

But I’ll consider any offer.

Any offer.

But not from you.

Sorry.

My middle name is James.

I once ran the London Marathon.

Most of it.

I’m 26 years old.

And a half.

I’m a Leo.

I love EastEnders.

I’ve written a book.

But you already know that.

I’m about to write my second.

I don’t like people.

I need my alone time.

I get lonely.

I’m a contradiction.

I’m a man.

Just in case anyone was in any doubt.

I love cheeseburgers.

I don’t like vegetables.

I do like to drive Terrence on a sunny day.

I’m a lovely person.

At least I think so.

I am many things.

I once walked into a hammer.

I’ve pinched John Barrowman’s bum.

I’ve drunk champagne with Jennifer Saunders.

I’ve been there.

And back again.

I prefer savoury to sweet.

I’m at my most uncomfortable when my feet are cold.

I have a black iPhone.

I have a purple sofa.

 

My name is Alex.

 

Prompt: Make us want you.